in which i find my own happy.
a while back, i posted about love, a failed imperfect relationship, and my desire to develop a sense of happiness from, with, and for myself. when i wrote that post, i was in a really dark place…not optimistic, not excited about anything, without a sense of hope for the future. it sounds silly, but even though i was, and still am, surrounded by countless things for which to be grateful, i just wasn’t. because the thing i wanted most had turned around and walked away from me as fast as its legs would carry it. so i thought about that old saying, “if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” so i changed myself. i focused really hard on several things.
- my faith-started studying the good book every day, praying multiple times a day for peace, God’s perfect will, and patience to let him control me and use me for his purpose.
- my health-i immersed myself in a meat-free diet, and really paid attention to getting enough sleep and exercise. i started running. not fast. not far. but i became someone who could escape pain by running from it, and through it.
- my career-i really pushed myself to embrace every moment, every amazing circumstance that i’m given on a daily basis. my life is incredible, and i am the most blessed person i know. so i tried to constantly live in the moment and absorb every little detail.
and you know what? i survived one of the hardest things i’ve ever faced. i made it, y’all. i lost nearly 20 lbs. in 4 months. i lost doubt and self-criticism. i lost impatience and apathy. i lost worry and the grudges i was holding. i gained a closer relationship with God. i gained a more focused, thoughtful attitude. i gained self confidence. i gained a clearer grasp of ME.
and you know what happens when you become a better version of YOU? people notice. people you’ve never known. people you’ve known for years. and believe it or not, people who walked away from you. becoming the best possible me will be a lifelong struggle. i hope i never get there. i hope i’m constantly changing and improving and finding more reasons to love myself. i deserve to smile. i deserve to make someone else smile. i deserve to go to sleep every night happy and hopeful. and you know what? you do too. so find whatever it is that needs to change in your life, and just do it. remember that it’s ok to focus on you. focus on yourself before you expect others to focus on you. no more excuses. no more worrying or procrastinating. life is your book; it’s being written as we speak. now go and do.
