l.e.rogers

I don’t talk about it. Ever. It’s still way too hard. Death is a concept I’m still having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around. The fact that someone who was a major part of my life is now gone forever is something that I can’t seem to fathom. I think about him every day. Too often I’ll read or hear something and think to myself “I gotta remember to tell Uncle Mike about that.” And then I remember. And it hurts so much to remember. It feels like I have a million billion bricks sitting on top of my chest. All i can do is weep silently and miss him so much my body aches. The weirdest things remind me of him. Crunchy peanut butter and Ritz crackers trigger memories of the many afternoons I’d see him sitting at the kitchen table fixing a post-school snack. I remember his hands. He had wonderfully long fingers, which no doubt made him the fabulous pianist that he was. I hope I never forget what they look like. I think that’s what I’m the most afraid of - forgetting. I’m desperately clinging on to every single memory I have of him and keeping them close to my heart.

Mine does a little.